Let me begin by leveling with you. The bio in my instagram profile self-proclaims that I am a gratitude junkie. This is a personal affirmation of mine because it’s who I want to be, but it’s not my default. In reality, I have a lot of anxiety and I find that I don’t always perform to my highest capacity because I can be disengaged, always thinking about what i’m going to do next. I rarely just sit in the moment & practice presence. This made me productive, but it didn’t make me happy.
I found myself being drawn to the negatives within my day; the traffic I sat in, the stubborn employee I had to manage at work, the fact that it is HARD to workout and work a full day job… and I don’t do it enough. These thoughts were consuming me and I was tired. I was always pleasant and kind to the people around me, but I struggled to be grateful for the little things in life that happen everyday; the love that I had everyday, the family, friends, the healthy body, the fact that i’m alive!
The Moment It Clicked
I spent the evening at my best friends house a few months ago and ran her through the ways certain areas that were hard-core draining me. She reminded me so gently that my life is full of so many amazing privileges and opportunities, if I’d just look for them. I needed an attitude adjustment. She encouraged me to try the 5 minute journal. I now share my notes almost every morning from this journal in an attempt to remind anyone reading of the tiny, remarkably unremarkable things that happen every day… things we often miss.
This was the start of my gratitude journey – this was the fork in the road for me that would determine if I was to be unhappy and rush from day to day without a moment of stillness in the present, or I could change my visual. I could practice gratitude daily, remind people in my life I’m thankful for them, and begin to honor and cherish at least one moment of everyday, because no matter what’s on the agenda — there are BEAUTIFUL moments.
So that’s my unprofessional spiel, but to take this thought process deeper, I consulted a professional in the matter VIA listening to her on The Ultimate Health podcast. Her name is Geneen Roth and she’s written 10 books, appeared on Oprah, 20/20, and the Today Show… okay you get it, she’s legit. Anyway, the podcast was focused on her most recent book, “This Messy Magnificent Life.” I HIGHLY recommend listening to this podcast if you ever struggle with similar feelings that I do. I was so moved by Geneen’s words that I listened to it twice, took notes, and now there are just a few nuggets I really feel convicted to share:
1. The first, she calls the if/then belief.
She struggled with her weight growing up and explains that the way she felt inside her own skin was unbearable because she kept thinking that “if only I was thin, i’d feel successful, attractive, etc.” Insert your vice of choice here. From a young age, we all create this list of beliefs that if only we can have or be this thing/look/achievement, we’ll feel the way we want to about ourselves. News flash, this is a myth. Those achievements are great for what they are but they don’t provide ultimate contentment & joy. That’s only found within ourselves; what we think, how we believe, our “mind management.” Not to mention, while we’re focusing on this future orientation, we’re missing out on our life right now. We need to actually SHOW UP instead of constantly wishing for a place we will arrive and then we’ll finally be happy.
2. Mind Managment.
Everyone has challenges in life, it’s part of the human condition. No one is exempt. We need to use these challenges as doorways to push beyond our limits and challenge our mind to think differently. Often times, when something really challenging happens, we get put in a fight or flight state, and our bodies are forced to chose how to respond. We can a.) focus on what we don’t have or what we have lost, soak in our shame, and become unbearable OR we can force a change in perspective and focus on b.) what we still have in that moment (a roof over our head, safety, love, family, enough to eat…you get it).
3. There’s only Today.
There is only today, only this moment. There is no such thing as tomorrow – it will never come. This perspective helps us be more dedicated to being here today for what we actually do have, not for what we don’t have. How do we do this? Be mindful, consciously take in the moment now and again. Use your senses.
Here’s an exercise: Practice mindfulness 12 seconds, 5 times a day.
Ask yourself, “what’s NOT wrong, right now.”
4. No Situtation is Unworkable.
Geneen sites a house fire where her neighbor had 15 minutes to get everything she cherished out of her burning house. She remembered how utterly devastating that day was for her friend. Now, her friend almost never mentions it, she rebuilt.
The message here is that situations pass, everything ends. If you’re struggling with a situation that feels life-ending, unbearable, or just freaking difficult, remember that everything ends and the only thing in your control is this very moment.
Practice mindfulness, ask yourself what’s not wrong right now, do not fear for tomorrow, it never comes. Do your best with this very moment, find joy in it, learn from it, and move on, because the moment will. How you spend it is up to you. Though the situation may seem like something you will never get through, take heart, it will pass, and you are in control of the choice to dwell or to appreciate. In fact, even good moments end, so live in them.
5. Stop Complaining.
When Geneen made a conscious effort to stop complaining, it changed her life. She doesn’t do it. She explains that complaining is just a way to mire yourself in negativity. It’s like running in place. You feel like you’re doing something but all your doing is talking about what you don’t like about what’s already happened. It’s inaction. Not to mention, being negative effects everyone around you. Action: take away the unnecessary activity of bringing more negativity into your life. This helps see the moment-to-moment more clearly because we’re not so busy in our mind, and can actually stop and see what’s in front of us.
6. Conscious Breathing.
Take 1 conscious breath a few times a day. Breathing consciously is a meditation technique. It helps ground us in the present moment as it forces us to focus on each breath – NOW. NOW. NOW. Doing this should open you up to being ALIVE and AWAKE and comfortable in your own skin as apposed to in constant argument with what’s going on.
To conclude, I’ll just site something she said on the podcast:
“Allow yourself to appreciate what you have when you have it. Experience it fully! Do not miss out on the string of moments that come and go, because though those moments won’t last, your presence and awareness will remain eternal.”
I hope even just one person reading this can receive it in the way that I did. It hit me just at the right time, when I was open to change, so I hope you remain open to try this for ONE day and see what a better mood you’ll be in at the end of the day. It worked for me!
xx,
Jess
