This is a post I never thought I’d write as a follow up to our wedding recap. The shock of this being my reality still has not worn off but, as you’ve probably realized by now, I’m not one to hold things back. I’d rather share in hopes that my story may help one person not feel alone if they’re experiencing miscarriage or infertility. We were pregnant for 10 weeks and at our 10 week ultrasound learned the baby was only about 6 weeks along. I experienced spotting and then I had terrible labor pains and cramping and miscarried.
The articles I’ve read on how to cope with miscarriage includes expecting feelings of sadness, anger, isolation, aloneness, confusion, and pushing people away that are close to you – particularly people in your life with new babies.
But I never felt alone. I felt so damn supported by the people in my life that I opened up to and that ran towards me with whatever words they could come up with. For me, the words didn’t matter, the fact that they leaned in is what I remember. If you’re not quite as open in sharing your struggles with people in your life but have experienced something similar, that’s okay. Your method of grief is exactly that, yours. There is no right way to cope. But if that’s you and you’re feeling along I want you to know that you are not. I’m with you and I’m among the 1 in 3 women that have experienced miscarriage and are praying for their rainbow baby to help redeem the pain of loss.
The temptation to let yourself feel alone, isolated, mis-guided anger, and sad when you see happy healthy families are real… but I refuse. I refuse to isolate, I love my friends with their sweet babies, the more joy in the world… the better. It makes me happy that they’re happy. If you have NOT gone through this, I want you to know that your friend or family member still wants to hear from you. Don’t assume that you don’t understand or that you have a healthy family and they won’t want anything to do with you. That’s not true. Just be there.
The most helpful people in the early days of my loss were the friends and family members who had recently experienced miscarriage themselves. They told me things that my doctor most certainly did not and they helped me to better understand what could happen in the days to come. Without these women, I would have been so lost and confused. They didn’t have to share their story with me on how they coped, healed, what they went through… but they did. I’m so grateful they did and so if I can be that soul sister to one person – this article has served its purpose.
I’m going to share a few tactical things that helped me to recovery in the 2-week long bleeding process and a few spiritual things that helped me in the forever change that is the new version of my heart.
Healing My Body:
*disclaimer… everyone is different. I’m just sharing what I did but do your own research especially around supplementing.
- Castor Oil Packs: applying the castor oil pack to your uterus can help to detoxify the uterine environment and reduce inflammation, shed stagnant tissue and promote the circulation of fresh oxygenated blood to improve the uterine lining for implantation, promote circulation to the ovaries to improve egg quality and quantity, prevent build-up of endometrial tissues and soften and resolve endometriosis and fibroids, and promote circulation to the uterus to prevent menstrual cramping. You can find these on amazon or make them yourself. Castor oil packs are made by soaking unbleached wool in castor oil, placing it on the uterus, and applying heat for about an hour (up to 3 times a day). Make sure to lay on a towel because castor oil can stain.
- Clary Sage Essential Oil diluted on your abdomen (I just mixed with a carrier oil and used a roller)
- Food: No special diet here, just make sure you are eating well. Take care care of your body with very nourishing foods to promote healing during this process. Make sure you are getting good fats and protein.
- Red Raspberry Leaf Tea: Red Raspberry Leaf Tea is nourishing and tones your uterus. It also helps with blood loss and maintains proper iron levels. I drank this while I was bleeding heavily.
- Holy Basil: I put 30 drops of this Holy Basil in filtered water for 14 days. It is a great adaptogen herb that supports our adrenal function and how our body responds to stress. It helps to manage blood sugar levels, is an antioxidant and anti-inflammatory, and can help prevent infection.
- Progesterone Cream: I used this natural progesterone cream topically around my uterus area to help rebuild depleted estrogen and progesterone after the miscarriage. Just a dime size for about 2 weeks to get my natural cycle going again.
- Ashwagandha: has been recognized to reduce stress helps in supporting women’s reproductive system. Stress can play an important role in regulating female hormones, since the stress hormone cortisol can reduce progesterone levels and negatively impact fertility and healthy menstruation cycles. By reducing cortisol levels, enhancing production and flow of blood, and reducing body tension, it can have a positive effect on reproductive system, libido and menstrual cycles. I add about 1/2 tsp of this brand to my morning coffee because it tastes terrible on its own.
- Acupuncture: is a safe and effective treatment to support your body immediately after a miscarriage, and to help you get ready to try again. It can help re-balance hormones, reduce inflammation in the uterus, and give you a safe place to grieve and recover. I have schedule time with a licensed acupuncturist at Trillium Natural in Pittsburgh – An Integrative Naturopathic Medicine and Acupuncture Practice. I haven’t gone yet but will be sure to report back. It could perhaps be another post all together!
Healing My Heart:
- Church: everyone is different — especially for matters of the heart. For me, church/the bible was the first and only place I could look to for solace, answers, understanding, guidance. I miscarried on a Friday night and when I went to church that Sunday, I just sat there and cried. I had no capacity to listen but it was just somewhere safe I knew I was called to go. A week later, there was a powerful message that I knew God wrote for me. Don’t turn away from this positive source of support if you have a great church that you love. The bible app also has a few good studies on miscarriage if you search for them.
In suffering, God is giving us more than He could ever take away because He’s giving us more of himself.
- Devotional / Journal: Held: 31 Biblical Reflections on God’s Comfort and Care in the Sorrow of Miscarriage
3. Take Time Off (if you can): if you’re like me, your brain will not be working for at least a week after you miscarry, so your work will not miss you. I know this is hard if you have a family that you need to take care of but I picked up and went to visit my family in Florida (it was winter in Pittsburgh). I laid in the sun for 1 week straight, didn’t really talk to anyone, let myself grieve and had some uninterrupted time with my husband + family. It was so incredibly healing and I came back feeling so so much better.
Additional Education:
Education is power so i’m sharing some of the additional education I reached for after my miscarriage:
Video Course: Kelly Leveque Pregnancy Course
If you or a loved one is going through miscarriage, please don’t suffer alone. I hope that this guide is a resource to you if you need it. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you need it. I hope my next post related to the topic is how I successfully got pregnant and carried a baby to term so I can share that with this community as well!
much love to you and yours 🌹